Sunday, January 11, 2009

Short Jokes...


- "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed?

- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

- If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Wife's Prayer...
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Three fastest means of communication:
1. Telephone
2. Television
3. Tell-a-woman

A man called his
4th wife - Baby doll,
3rd wife - China doll,
2nd wife - Barbie doll &
1st wife - Guess What ? - Panadol

Friends are like underwear, always near you.
Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you.
Best friends are like Viagra, lift you up when you are down.

Man tells Doctor: My son's a drug addict, my daughter's a prostitute, and my wife's a gambler.
Doctor: Isn't there anything positive in your family? Man: Yes, I am HIV positive.

In a prison, the preacher giving a convict (convicted to die by an electric chair) his last rights asks him what is his last wish. "Please hold my hand."says the convict.

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Man: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

5 comments: said...

That's cool, man!

Andro said...

Little Johnny was in his grade 2 class when the teacher asked Johnny, "If there were 5 birds sitting on a fence and i shot one off, how many would be left?" To which Johnny answered, "none, once the gun shot goes off, they would all fly away"

Actually Johnny the correct answer if 4, but i like the way you think!"
Johnny then stands up and says, "K, Mrs., I got one for you...there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is licking the cone, the second one if sucking the cone and the third one is biting the cone. Which one is married?"

The teacher, all embarrassed, says, " Well johnny i guess the one sucking the cone."

To which Johnny replies, " No, the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think!!"

Twilight Zone said...

@yeo, thanx for the visit hope you come more often hahaha.

hahahaha @Andro, kundi ka lang bc aalukin kita magpost dito e anu na nga tawag dun?hahaha.

Anonymous said...

eto, orig, tru to life. nagkita kami ni booba kanina, dati kong house mate.
Bumili ng alarm clock kasi palaging nale-late sa trabaho, sinesermunan na ng amo. Yung alarm clock nya, made in china. Kinabukasan, na-late na naman sya, tinanong ko kung bakit. Sabi nya "kasi napuyat ako sa kaka-abang kung mag-aalarm yung clock o hindi, kasi mumurahin lang eh".

Twilight Zone said...

hahahaha @partofyou, maraming ganyang kwentong true to life na nakakatawa talaga e malamang yung mga nababasa nating mga jokes e nangyari din true to life,thanx for dropping by,diko mapasok site mo wordpress ban dito yan e lolz.