Kid call's 911 for Math

Listen to this...

Pinoy Text Message Jokes...

PRIEST: Ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng LANGIT!!!

ADOR-a: Kerii lang Father!!!
Dun nalang kami sa RAINBOW... Magpapa slide slide ever!

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Lumubog ang barko.

Patay lahat ng pasahero.

Except sa isang Ita.

ITA: habang umiiyak "kainin mo na ko pating"

PATING: nakaismid "wag mo kong linlangin, hindi ka tao! pusit ka!...pusit ka!

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The Secret of being YOUNG!?

Sleep the right number of Hours.

Go with the right Crowd.

Eat the right Food,

and

Tell the WRONG age!

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Family Planning Advisory:

If you want to practice safe sex...




Do it with the same Sex!

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2 Mag-Amiga naglasing.
Pag uwi naihi at natae.
Sa sementeryo inabutan.

Ang 1 ginamit ang ti-pan na pamunas tsaka tinapon.
Yung 1 nakakita ng boquet ng flower sa puntod at ginawang pamunas.

Kinabukasan, sabi ng mga asawa nila---

JUAN: Pare, bantayan natin mga msis natin. Misis ko umuwi kagabi walang ti-pan!

PEDRO: wala yan sa Misis ko Pare,.. Merong card nakadikit sa pwet na may nakasulat, "WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU...FROM ALL THE GUYS AT THE MARKETING DEPT!"

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Duling, Bingi at Bulag.

Nanood ng movie.

DULING: "bat 2 ang screen?"

BINGI: "bad tripwalang sounds!"

BULAG: "mga tarantado... puro kayo reklamo! kita nyo ng dipa nag uumpisa e!"

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TEACHER: sinu si Jose Rizal?

Natahimik ang buong klase.
Wala ni isa ang nagtaas ng kamay, hanggang mainis si Pedro---

PEDRO: baka ibang section na ma'am!

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Sarap ng pakiramdam pag may ka "i love you" ka.

O kaya may nagtatanong, "kumain ka na ba?"

Lalo na pag my sinabihan ka at may nagsabing "i miss you".

Pero kung wala dont lose hope.

pede namang---

"i love me"!
"kumain na ba me?"
"ingat me ha?"
and "i miss me"

"wer na me?"
"d2 pa me eh!"

Self supporting tawag dyan! try mo din sanay na ko dyan e!

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SCIENCE TRIVIA:

Alam mo ba na ang buhok sa pwit ay karugtong ng pilikmata?

IT'S TRUE!

Subukan mong hilahin ang buhok mo sa pwit---

at mapapapikit ka!

brought to you by Darigold Milk at Tiki-tiki, kung di nyo inabot yung darigold milk ask nyo nalang Silver at Reesie at yung Tiki-tiki ask nyo mam Cat at Snow!

(Im now again having a problem accessing wordpress and some sites,..
now totally banned here multiply, youtube,livejournal, etc etc kakaasar na)

The Wheels of Life...

With this in mind, I bought myself a new scooter. I wanted something
that was easy on gas and could zip me to the store and about town.
This seems to meet my EVERY need.

I Love it!


Remember:
Senior Citizens Are Valuable:
We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
We have silver in our hair.
We have gold in our teeth.
We have stones in our kidneys.
We have lead in our feet and.
We are loaded with natural gas!

Generation Y...

People born between 1925 and 1945....Are called...

The Silent Generation

People born between 1946 and 1964...Are called....
The Baby Boomers

People born between 1965 and 1982...Are called....
New Generation people

People born after 1983....Are called....
Generation Y

BUT......... Y

Why do we call the last group of people...Generation Y ?
I had no idea until I saw this caricaturist's explanation! A picture is worth a thousand words!
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Old People...

(tabi tabi po sa mga lolat lolo, jokes lang po no offense)

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load
of seniors down a highway
when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,
which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again
he asks the little old lady,
" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks,
"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,
"We just love the chocolate around them."
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An 80-year-old man goes to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

The 80-year-old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"

The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?
The 80-year-old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"

The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 80 years old and both your father and your grandfather are both alive?"

"Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 126 years old, and next week he is getting married for the first time."

The doctor said, "After 126 years of being a bachelor, why on earth did your grandfather want to get married?"

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"
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Three Old men...
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock: no problem at all." said the 80-year-old.
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old. "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." the older man responded.

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00!"
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope!" "This woman, is she good looking?" "Not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw, she can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope! Poor as a church mouse." "Well, then, is she good in bed?" "I don't know." "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
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A young teenage girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighbourhood, but little old Grandma.
The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.
A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
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The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."

Only in China...

manong dika naman kaya mahulog?


Eto ang legitimate Blog Addict..


Oha, laban ka ng karera kay manang?


Pwede pala gawing kawali?


Uso din sa Pinas to ah..


Kawawang mga lilitsunin..


Whew,layo ng WC..


Sus wala yan,uso din sa Pinas yan..


Mobil ninakawan, matindi to..


Sirkero kasi sya sa gabi..


Mga elite ng kabundukan..


Trash can ginawang wewee-an?


Kaawa awang mga bata..


Ok ipod ni tatang ah..


Tsk tsk, naghahanap sya ng magiging wifey..


Joz me,space 4 rent daw 4 ads..


Naubusan ng parking space..


Nagpapakintab daw ng teeth e tinutungkab na ng payers..


Weeeeee..


Gusto kong maiyak sa awa lolz..


Hanef,laptop ginawang bangkito..


Eto panalo mga pare ko..

Complaining About your Job?

you better stop complaining about your job...
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Inaaaang ibalik nyo ko sa Pinaaaas...

Hello...? hello.... di moko madineg? mukha bang meengay dito?

Joz ko puuuu.. mashoot sana at ng di na ko mamulot....

Hiiiing...bakit ba twing uupo ako dito pakiramdam ko akoy nawi wewee...

iiiiiiih kundi lang recession parang type ko ng mag resign..

Joz ko di naman po masama mamili, ala na po bang iba?

Strange but true coincident...

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged line.


If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.


In a very busy day, your boss only approaches you when you are taking a break.


If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.


When the body is immersed in water, the phone begins to ring.


The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don¡¯t want to be seen with.


When you try to prove to someone that the machine will not work, it will.


The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last


As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, the boss will ask you to do something that will last till your coffee is cold.


You remember you have to mail a letter when you are near the mailbox.

Like it....? like ko din eh..!