Pencil Art

source: http://www.webdesignerdepot.com/2009/07/impressive-pencil-art-by-jennifer-maestre/

F---ing!

(photo credit to cecileeshull, from photobucket)



O eto para sa mga wala pang karansan sa F---ing!

Frequently Asked Question About F--ing

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe f---?
A. Although married people f--- often, there are many single
people who f--- complete strangers every day.

Q. How do I go about f---ing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to f---. If they do, they will
give you their phone number.

Q. My parents say they never had f--- when they were young, and
were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they
were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they
can f---?
A. F---ing can be performed at any age once you learn the
correct procedure.

Q. If I f--- something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay
to f---. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their f--- drives
and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.

Q. Should a cover always be used for f---ing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are f---ing, a
cover should always be used.

Q. What happens if I do the procedure incorrectly and f---
prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people f--- prematurely when they haven't
f---ed in a long time. Just start over, most people won't mind
if you try again.

Q. I have a personal and a business f---. Can transmissions
become mixed up?
A. Being bi-f---ual can be confusing, but so long as you use a
cover with each one you won't transmit anything you're not
supposed to.

Q. Is getting f---ed by one person the same as with another?
A. No. Even though many people (especially lawyers) would
like you to believe that the longer they are f---ing you the
better you will like it. In reality the best f--- is short,
of high quality, and very graphic.

Q. There is a man I'd very much like to f--- (I've tried
several times) but he can't seem to keep his equipment
up long enough.
Is there any thing I can do to help him?
A. You could suggest that he contact a good f--- therapist, such
as Canon or Mitsubishi. If he refuses to take the suggestion,
it would be best if you just wrote him off.

Syak ka no, mali ka don..... FAXING yon!

IDIOT SIGHTING.

(photo credit to classyladytwo, from photobucket)

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..
We haven't used Sears repair since.




IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at McDonald's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!' I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman , KS .




IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

Is Computer Male or Female...?

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.


'House ' for instance, is feminine: ' la Casa. '
'Pencil, ' however, is masculine: ' el lapiz. '


A student asked, ' What gender is ' computer ' ? '

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer ' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The Men ' s group decided that ' computer ' should definitely be of the feminine gender ( ' la computadora ' ), because:


(photo credit to saila279, from photobucket)



1... No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.




The Women ' s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ( ' el computador ' ), because:


(photo credit to smurby, from photobucket)



1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can ' t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won.

Life Begin's at 40...!

(photo credit to jester121172, from photobucket)


THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR THOSE OVER
FORTY YEARS OLD

1. Focus on enjoying people, not on indulging in or accumulating material things.

2. Plan to spend whatever you have saved. You deserve to enjoy it and the few healthy years you have left. Travel if you can afford it. Don't leave anything for your children or loved ones to quarrel about. By leaving anything, you may even cause more trouble when you are gone.

3. Live in the here and now, not in the yesterdays and tomorrows. It is only today that you can handle. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may not even happen.

4. Enjoy your grandchildren (if you are blessed with any) but don't be their full time baby sitter. You have no moral obligation to take care of them. Don't have any guilt about refusing to baby sit anyone's kids, including your own grandkids. Your parental obligation is to your children. After you have raised them into responsible adults, your duties of child-rearing and babysitting are finished. Let your children raise their own offsprings.

5. Accept physical weakness, sickness and other physical pains.. It is a part of the aging process. Enjoy whatever your health can allow.

6. Enjoy what you are and what you have right now. Stop working hard for what you do not have. If you do not have them, It's probably too late..

7. Just enjoy your life with your spouse, children, grandchildren and friends. People, who truly love you, love you for yourself, not for what you have. Anyone who loves you for what you have will just give you misery.

8. Forgive and accept forgiveness. Forgive yourself and others. Enjoy peace of mind and peace of soul.

9. Befriend death.. It's a natural part of the life cycle. Don't be afraid of it. Death is the beginning of a new and better life. So, prepare yourself not for death but for a new life with the Almighty.

10. Be at peace with your Creator. For. . . He is all you have after you leave this life....

Drinking has the same benefits as Yoga...!!!

Sinung my sabing masama ang maglasing....?

RESEARCH CONFIRM'S THAT DRINKING GIVE'S YOU THE SAME BENEFITS YOGA DOES!!


Savasana:
Position of total relaxation.







Balasana:
Positon that brings the sensation of peace and calm.







Setu Bandha Sarvangasana:
The positon calms the brain and heals tired legs.







Marjayasana:
Position stimulates the midrift are ang the spine.







Halasana:
Excelent for back pain and insomnia.







Dolphin:
Excelent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs and arms.







Salambhasana:
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs and arms.







Ananda Balasana:
This position is great for massaging the hip area.







Malasana:
The position for ankles and back muscles.



See???

710... errrr...OIL

A woman came in a Garage and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.
All looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one.. It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!

He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is..........















Women ?

The mechanic fainted!!

Lawyer Jokes & Others...

Pardon the paragraph arrangement, i just copied them from a lawyer.

Can You Beat This Logic?

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the Children into this world, she should retain Custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair and replied:........
"Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

Don't laugh, but the man won.

------

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Ms. Jones, do you know me?
"She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Ms. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem.
The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him." Thedefense attorney was also surprised and shocked.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace,
"If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt".

------


The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew
they were guilty.
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
3) Overcharging fees to many clients.
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case. And the list goes on for quite awhile.

The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also. "St. Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"

The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes."

St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents
and tell him to go to hell."

------

A change in medical research regulations was introduced.
From now on, medical researchers have to use lawyers instead of lab rats, and they should do so for three reasons. First, lawyers are more numerous than lab rats; second, they don't become attached to lawyers the way they do to rats; and thirdly, there are some things that even a lab rat wouldn't do.

------

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand
dollars more for the story behind it." "You can keep the story, old man," he
replies, "but I'll take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm.
As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout.
He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty
leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can have it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers!"

------


One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.
Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling.
"MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do
with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

------

A Physician, an Engineer, and a Lawyer were discussing their professions.
They were trying to determne which profession had been around the longest.
The Doctor said "Doctors were first. In the good book, it states that Eve was created from one of Adam's ribs.....That required the first surgery.
So Doctors were here first." The Engineer said, "NOPE, it also said, before Adam and Eve, that God created the heavens and the earth. That required a lot of plans and engineering work, so Engineers were here first." The Lawyer said, "SORRY GUYS, lawyers were here before all that. If you read a little closer, it says that in the beginning there was confusion."

------

A doctor, a priest, and a lawyer are adrift on a raft in the south Pacific. They're just about out of water, food, and hope, when they spot a small island. Only problem is, between the raft and the island is a large hungry school of tiger sharks. The doctor insists, "I'll swim for the island and bring back coconuts and maybe even help. If the sharks attack me, with my medical knowledge I'll be able to tend to my wounds." The priest says, "No, no my son, I shall swim for the island. I will pray as soon as I hit the water and with my connections I'm sure to make it."
While the doctor and priest are arguing over who is to go, the lawyer dives into the water and swims toward the island. Miraculously, the
sharks move away and clear a path for the attorney. A little while later, the barrister retruns to the raft with a lovely bunch of coconuts. And again the sharks clear a path for him. He finally gets to the raft and the bewildered doctor and priest ask him what was the source of this
miracle, and he replied, "Professional courtesy, of course!"

------

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!". The accountant says: "I think it's either
3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice,
"How much do you want it to be?"

------

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job. As part of the job interview each was asked why she wanted the job. Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and justice.
When it was her turn, Sally simply opened her purse, took out a rather thin wallet and laid it on the senior partner's desk. "I want to fatten it up as fast as possible," she said. Sally got the job.

------

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him.
St. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked.
"Let me go find out." and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months... and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven,
what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."
"Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?", asked the frightened couple. "COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?"

------

After their car broke down on a lonely country road, three men sought a night's shelter at a farmhouse. The farmer, poor but eager to help them, said that he only had two beds so one of the three would have to sleep in the barn. Immediately, one of the travelers, a polite Hindu mathematician, agreed and left for the barn. A short while later he returned and apologetically explained that there were cows in the barn and for religious reasons he could not sleep there. Another of the guests, a conservative rabbi, volunteered, picked up his bedding and left for the barn. It wasn't long before he returned complaining that the pig in the barn made it impossible for him to sleep there. The last of the stranded trio, a lawyer, sighed and grudgingly picked up his bag and shuffled off to the barn. Soon, there was another knock at the door. When the farmer answered it, there were the cows and the pig.

Strange & Funny Architectures...

1. The Crooked House ( Sopot , Poland )



2. Forest Spiral - Hundertwasser Building ( Darmstadt , Germany )

3. The Torre Galatea Figueres ( Spain )



4. Ferdinand Cheval Palace a.k.a Ideal Palace ( France )



5. The Basket Building ( Ohio , United States )



6. Kansas City Public Library ( Missouri , United States )



7. Wonderworks ( Orlando , Florida , United States )



8. Habitat 67 ( Montreal , Canada )




9. Cubic Houses ( Rotterdam , Netherlands )



10. Hang Nga Guesthou se a.k..a Crazy House ( Vietnam )



11. The Ufo House ( Sanjhih , Taiwan )



12. Nakagin Capsule Tower ( Tokyo , Japan )



13. Erwin Wurm: House Attack ( Viena , Austria )



14. Wooden Gagster House ( Archangelsk , Russia )



15. Ripley's Building ( Ontario , Canada )